roaring twenties
Dec 30 -
there are two days left in 2020 - i don’t even think i really need to 
discuss the dumpster fire this year was for all of us, collectively on a global level and local level. clearly we are aware of what toll the world has experienced - from the pandemic and the unjust social situations in multiple areas and corners of the world that brought us all together while we were on lockdown. if i look at it on a more local level - nova scotia has had a lot happen this year - many tragic, heartbreaking deaths including one of the largest massacres in canadian history that invoked fear and loss in our beloved little province. i think i can safely say 2020 sucked but i also would like to take this time to reflect personally about the things that have happened in my life this year - i know some of the hardships i had are nothing compared to what the world has dealt with and i know i’m speaking from a point of certain privilege but this is my safe space and my blog and my space to share what i want with my followers who i have had the privilege of getting to connect with other the years but specifically this year as we all stayed home and tried to do our best. There was lots of hard things this year but there was a lot of great things that came of it that maybe wouldn't have if circumstances were different.
i spent my 26th birthday in an airbnb by the ocean with some great friends - little did we know this would be the last time we were all together for god knows how long
two short weeks later the pandemic was becoming very real in canada and the city i was living in ontario. my home province still didn’t have any cases so between my family and i, i made the very last minute decision to move home before things got worse - driving across the country at the beginning of a pandemic was super eerie - there was barely any traffic and you could tell every car we met at gas stations was doing the same thing - everyone was heading back to the east coast - most of my belongings are still in ontario but i came home and spent lockdown at my parents in the country - i had previously spent the last year and a half working in three different homeless shelter. housing transition programs in hamilton. i was tired. exhausted, burnt out, lost and confused. having to be on lockdown in the country was a huge blessing in disguise. i feel like i caught up on years of sleep, spent lots of time with my family dog, time with my parents, gardening and the beach.
towards the end of “lockdown” i was getting pretty anxious on getting a semblance of my “life back” - i applied for so many jobs and more or less took the first one that came up - it was casual and very loosely related to my “field” long story short, i lasted three months there when i found what i thought was going to be the perfect job - the job i was in was good for the time being, felt related to my field and i enjoyed working with the clients. for confidentiality reasons i’ll just sum up that this wasn't a great fit for me and my working style and personality so i’m thrilled to say i put my two weeks notice in today as right before christmas i was offered a true dream job and it couldn’t be a more perfect way to start off 2021.
some true positives that came from this year - i am renting the coziest dreamy little 3 bedroom farmhouse that sits on a hill by a ravine. it’s the first time since being a teen at my parents that i truly feel “home” i travelled so much and liv
ed in so many places in my early 20’s and i do not regret any of this but i am truly so thankful for things to be a bit slower and cozy - especially in the state of the world having a safe haven is really important for me.
as i’m writing this i’m listening to taylor swift’s new album while my three young cats all nap around me - this probably sounds super cliche but i love t-swifts new album and she's actually super relatable and makes me feel empowered to me a single mid 20’s lady with my cats LOL i swear i’m not a crazy cat lady… well maybe not ;)
my extended family grew by one as we welcomed a little boy and he truly is the light of my life and i can’t imagine life without him and find it hard to remember life before him - a reason i am beyond thankful to be back in nova scotia as this is something i can’t imagine having missed.
i asked what you guys wanted to hear from me and one of the answers was something i wanted to talk about anyways so it was perfectly fitting:
my 2021 intentions: in theory i love resolutions but i have never been able to keep them or follow through - so i love the word intentions instead - takes some pressure off but also is great encouragement to try new things and move forward with great intentions.
i have never really been in a position to work on paying off debt but this is going to be one of my intentions is how i’m spending my money - tracking things with a spreadsheet, living modestly where i can, pay off some things. i don't want to say i’ll be debt free by the end of 2021 but i would like to work on making a significant chunk in cutting it down.
during lockdown i had not much to do so i was really focused on healthy eating and exercised and managed to lose almost 30 pounds during lockdown - but then i started working again and i am an emotional eater, and the pandemic, and you know… i gained 17 of those pounds back. i know i can eat healthy and look after myself and i think it’s something i need to put an actual focus on - my new job is going to be working from home a lot which actually will give me the time and space to meal prep and have healthy food in the house - i want to not be focused on the number on the scale but more about how i feel in my clothes and overall just the general feeling better that i know comes with looking after myself. the lack of brain fog i have experienced when i’m eating healthy is like no other feeling and i miss that.
i have bought so many beautiful books over the years and they’re just sitting on shelves. i blame it on my lifestyle the last few years but really my lack of reading is an excuse as netflix is always an easier option. my goal for 2021 is one book per month. not too complicated of a goal i don’t think!
as i’m writing this i just got an email from the company i got my yoga mat from - encouraging people to do the exact exercise i’m doing now - reflecting on 2020, intentions for 2021 and thinking about being present and loving where we are right here, right now and letting go of what no longer serves us
obviously with the turn of the clock it doesn’t rid us of the pandemic and there will be things we still need to deal with - but if 2020 taught us anything it’s that we’re more resilient than we realize and 2020 taught us to be patient, slow down, the importance of home and family and close friends.
my intentions for the new year are rather simple, soak up every second of sunshine and happiness. i know i can't please everyone and not everyone is worth even trying, doing little things each day and finding things to be grateful for each day is so good for your mental health. just being the best version of a human i can be and love with my whole heart when i can and give myself the amount of love i pour into others. 2021 i need to REALLLLLY look after me. i wanna be that cool 27 year old that is doing her own shit and living life and just feeling super fulfilled at the end of each and everyday. it's the first time in a long time going into a new year that i feel that i have everything i need to succeed - resources, mental space, and the capacity to do so.
i was going through posts today of people wrapping up their year and the things they’ve pulled from it - the lead singer of oh wonder had a great reflection - they were only 6 shows into a big tour when they had to go home to the UK because of the pandemic. having to cancel a tour of that size is something i can’t comprehend but i empathize with their heartbreak of what they lost. She reflected on how being home, they became part of their community and learned that the little small things are so important and while the state of the world were in won’t last forever it’s important to lean in to those little gracious things that fill us with joy and to focus on the small things until we can have those big moments again and i think that’s beautiful.
this quote is something i intend to do to the best of my abilities:
“he said, try to learn to breathe deeply, really to taste food when you eat, and when you sleep really to sleep. Try as much as possible to be wholly alive with all your might, and when you laugh, laugh like hell. And when you get angry, get good and angry. Try to be alive. You will be dead soon enough.” - ernest hemingway
so in conclusion, let’s just live as best as we can guys - life is short and we should be living it the best that we can (safely, with masks on of course) be kind, to yourself and others, try hard at the things that fill you with passion and forget about the rest.
happy new year friends, here are my final thoughts from the sea for this year - thank you if you've made it this far, xo
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