times are changing.

hello my faithful readers! there may be few of you, but let me just say thank you for taking the time to read about my boring life. i appreciate you taking time out of your day to be here with me for a couple minutes. 

i have been awol from here. but i have great excuses/reasons! 

i finished COLLEGE!!!!! something that i did not think i would ever accomplish after dropping out of university in 2012. my best advice for anyone who is thinking either about going to school or dropping out of school or figuring out if it's worth sticking it out: trust your gut. i dropped out because i did not like my classes i was taking. i also wasn't in a great place mentally. i dropped out and spent those next four years having the absolute time of my life. yeah it kinda sucked when my friends were graduating university and i didn't receive that piece of paper (proud of you guys for sticking it out) but not for a second did i regret taking those years off and working. i consider myself super blessed and lucky to have gotten to work for some sick organizations in the last couple of years that gave me travelling and life experience. i trusted my gut when it came to leaving university and it never led me astray. those years out of school taught me more about myself and who i want to become then i know i would've figured out sitting in a classroom. it lead me to learning what i truly wanted to take in school. looking back a year ago i never could've imagined i would be sitting here having finished a college diploma program in a field that i feel so passionate about and intend on starting and spending my career in.  i want to devote my life and my career to helping other people. to give people a glimpse and opportunity to experience hope, love, and happiness. so that's excuse number one! i think it's a pretty good one. 

excuse number two goes with number one so i'm not really sure if it truly counts as a separate excuse: i tend to take myself too seriously. i have been so focused on studying and accomplishing my program with the highest possible average i could achieve that i shut myself out from the outside world.  i get anxious when i don't have full control over situations. i felt like i didn't have control over my marks and the only way i could was to be completely confident in my ability to study and to retain knowledge and hope it paid off. my final exams were very different than any other program i've heard of. mine was all practical. we didn't have exams where you sit in a desk and test your knowledge. we had "clients" come in where we had prove that we know how to talk to people and that we have the ability to be a counsellor. to say this was nerve wracking is an understatement. but i did it. i finished it. it still feels surreal. i did take myself too seriously though. i hyper focus in these stressful situations and i couldn't even comprehend thinking or focusing on something else besides studying and doing well.

excuse number three: i had some of my absolute favourite people visit for two weeks. i don't know if i can put into words what it feels like to be surrounded by like minded people who have the same passion, same drive as me. it is empowering and inspirational to know our generation is educated and well informed and we are going to be the future and are going to be responsible for a lot. it gives me hope in a time when the world can seem scary and can definitely feel hopeless at times. i love my friends and i can't wait to see where the world takes them, and takes us together. 

excuse number four: i have been preparing to "move". i have mentioned in most of my other blog posts how i've been toying with the idea of moving back to ontario from nova scotia. there are so many pros and cons of both places. sometimes i feel a little frustrated when people ask questions like "how long are you going for?" "why don't you want to be in nova scotia?" "what's so great about ontario?" "when are you coming back?' "what job can you even get with your diploma?" for most of these questions i do not have answers. but i'm learning that THAT IS OKAY. i am learning i do not have to justify or explain myself to anyone. not even myself. i don't have the answers. i am going to complete a work placement to finish off my requirements for school. i am using this as a trial period to see if being back in ontario is truly what i want. i don't think it's going to be a forever thing living in a big city  but that's also okay. i am young and have no attachments. i am looking at this as an opportunity to try something new and scary out. 

i start the drive tonight. i am currently sitting in my empty bedroom where i have lived for the last year and a week (that's the longest i have stayed living in one place since like 2012) the only thing left is my bed and blankets. i am excited and nervous for what is about to come. it's been so nice living and being in one place with the routine of school. but i am looking forward to being in a bigger city that hopefully has more opportunities for me. 

to conclude i really have no answers as i'm sure you can tell. no answers and tons of excuses. but that really is okay. i will do my best to keep writing about the changes in my life. i am starting a new chapter and am using this as an opportunity to really make some changes in my life. personally, professionally, mentally, and physically. i feel like this is the time to really be the person i've dreamed of being. i now have the space to let her thrive and am excited to meet her and to

 show her to the rest of the world. 

thank you for reading this far, these are my thoughts from the sea for this week. xo