life, death, and caffeine.

summer has been so glorious. if you could picture a feeling with a colour it has been the most perfect, soothing yellow. i've thought about that so much i have dedicated an entire pinterest board to solely things that are yellow and make me happy. it's those little things you know? i have always always been a sucker for the little things, those small moments of each day that remind you (me) how freaking grateful i am to live a life, and a fun one. i have so so so many friends and loving family members. i truly believe everyone should get the chance and deserves to have such loving humans be in their corner. i truly have felt the impact of these people this summer. every single weekend since the beginning of june i have had jam packed weekends. cottages, concerts, camping, air bnbs in dreamy surf towns. it has been a summer. and we still have many weeks of it left! the one beauty of not going back to school is that summer doesn't have to end when august does. i am all about embracing and getting the absolutely everything out of my free time. in that same breathe - is it bad for me to say i am looking forward to the more slow pace that is fall? i crave routine and stability, which is ironic because nothing in my last five years has really been either of those things.

there's a couple different thoughts i want to talk about this week. bare with me, as you always do. my thoughts are alllllll over the place. let's try a little point form to get them all out in the open. things on my brain:

- i spoke with a client about grief last week and was proud of how well i handled it and how i felt like i actually gave her good advice on how to cope. she came back yesterday to thank me and to tell me how truly helpful i was - *cue imposter syndrome* i received some bad news this weekend about a close family member who has been given a timeline for the rest of their life. what a f*ck'd up concept. yes of course i've heard of this happening and i've watched enough grey's to know too. but when you're actually told this about someone you love and is your family - it changes it. i don't know what or how to think. thankfully i was surrounded by some of my best friends the entire weekend cozied up in the woods at a campsite who didn't care that i was a blubbering sobbing mess into my sangria. anyways, what i guess i'm trying to say - it's so much easier to give someone else advice when it's not happening to you - so take that with a grain of salt in any capacity of your life - remember what it may feel like to be in that other persons shoes. i still don't know how to process my feelings. it's a weird thing because my family lives in a different province and they're not as open as i am about talking about their feelings. i mean, not that that's a fair comparison. i have no issue spilling my guts to the internet, so i see that it's not simple for everyone to speak about how they're feeling. i think i just don't want to have regrets - and i don't want my loved one to have regrets either. it's inspiring in a morbid way i guess that it's filling me with live to continue trying to live to my absolute fullest. to take care of my health, not just for confidence reasons, but for actual health reasons. between my family member, and people i meet on the daily at work.. i see what happens when you can't take care of yourself anymore, or maybe they neglected themselves because they had to look after someone else and put their own needs on the back burner. i have said out loud many times that if i can't take care of myself, there's no way i am going to properly be able to help out anyone else.

-so with that last thought, i had coffee with my lovely lovely housemate yesterday morning. thank
goodness for people who also have jobs with weird shift work so they have time to have coffee with me when the rest of the world is busy. she is so great. we talked about how we are so similar so that makes us realize how hard we are on ourselves and that i can see how great she is and that she shouldn't be, and vice versa her with me. i spoke about my issue with restlessness. i never feel quite full. not in a depressive way, just that i'm always looking for that next great thing that i think will make me feel fulfilled. *spoiler alert* it doesn't work like that. doesn't matter on my geographic location or job title, i need to find other avenues to keep myself busy and to find fulfillment. so this week it's about my well being - i booked a naturopath, dentist and eye appointment. all things i've been putting off but know i will feel so better once they're done!

-my mom. we are so different, but so similar. she's been posting three things a day that she's grateful for and i freaking love that. for me, this morning was waking up to fresh veggies on my table left for me by my housemate, having a slow morning to apply for things, make yummy eggs with garlic and butter and cheese and tomatoes, drink espresso, listening to music and catch up with myself by
writing this post. giving myself the morning to reflect on the summer and to clear my head to move forward with what's next.

again, summer has been so lovely. i don't know what the near future holds in many aspects but i'm learning to breathe, and to take them as they come. to loosen my clench in my jaw, to think rational thoughts and to not act on the irrational ones.

what are ways you check in with yourself? or maybe you don't and this is the little message you need to realize how important you and your health are and that you deserve the world.




to end with a quote from my lovely housemate: "I think it's so beautiful that we keep getting to make a choice to grow where we are, or wilt. Like, how cool that we have so much say  "

these are my thoughts from the sea this week, thank you if you've made it this far, xo