we've got the dreamers disease

quarter life century club is weird. some days i LOVE where i am at. i currently live in a city that i picked because i have friends here, the proximity to toronto and new york and many other cities. my city has cool coffee shops and breweries. it has more waterfalls and hikes than i can count. there is always something to do regardless of how much money one has, which is really nice. it's a fun city. this summer was fun. some days i think about does the fun have to stop? do i need to grow up more? i think it's all relative and subjective. i have friends with babies, friends who are married, friends getting engaged... i am doing none of those things. it's always been a constant battle of mine - wishing i was in the same boat as most of my friends vs truly enjoying my stage of my life right now that should not be compared to others. don't get me wrong i can't wait to come home and have someone to tell how my day was. but right now, i am learning to love my solitude. i feel like me at 25 is a completely different person than i was at even 21, 22. if she had been responsible for making big life decisions i don't think it would've gone well. i mean, she attempted, and failed and succeeded in different avenues. i still don't feel like i truly like i "know" who i am. but i am learning through conversations with others my age and those who are older, that no one truly knows at one given moment. there isn't that ah-hah moment that everything comes together. we will all have years that we are in our prime and everything is going well and then we have others that make us feel like we're crumbling. both important in their own ways. it depends on the week, maybe even day how i feel about everything. i'm trying to not let things get too overwhelming. i am learning to listen to what my body needs. if that means sleeping in, or getting up early. if it's spinach or chips. if it's going to the gym, or laying on the couch. everything is balance and everything is moderation. 

i feel blessed that i am in a place in my life where i get to make my own decisions. about literally everything. it's liberating in a sense. it helps me to learn who i am on a deeper level. in my last post i talked about how much i love autumn. well, it's officially here as of yesterday but it's still so warm here in hamilton. i am looking forward to the cooler weather and the permission i give myself with the colder weather to do cozy activities and reflect on everything that has happened this year. 

i find sometimes me and my friends find ourselves freaking out about wasting time or if we're doing the right thing or day dreaming about the next step. i am trying so hard everyday to be intentional with just focusing on the now. life is short, and we should be embracing everything we possibly can and to not stress out too much about next year, five years from now, and so on. 

i had a facebook memory come up today from a moody grade 11 me, it was lyrics to the song "you get what you give" by the new radicals i quoted: "this whole damn world could fall apart, it'll be okay, follow your heart." funny how these memories and thoughts come to your attention when you need them. it was the reminder i needed this morning that if we try our true best, that's all we can really ask and that everyone else probably feels the exact same way in some capacity that you/we do as well.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DL7-CKirWZE

this is yours and mine tuesday morning reminder to just give this week all you can. nothing more. nothing less. try your best, let people in your lane, smile at babies, call your parents and best friend. go for a walk alone with your favourite album. go to drink your favourite drink at your favourite place. re connect with someone you miss. just give yourself that permission i'm reminding you that you need, to give yourself a break. you're trying your best and that's enough. i promise. 



these are my thoughts from the sea this week, thank you if you've made it this far. xo 


ps so thankful i got to have numerous coffees with one of my favourite people in the world. my quote of the week has been:

"with a little coffee and a little sunlight, your troubles will get smaller" - richard webber. 

somedays this last week coffee and sunlight is all i could do, and that's enough.