love in the time of corona
first and foremost, thank you gabriel garcia marquez for inspiring the title of this post. bonus points to those of you who get it!
preface: this is solely my opinion, my take, my truth, and my life surrounding coronavirus. these are my opinions, so with everything, take them with a grain of salt.
secondly, i want to make sure that it is known that i am brutally aware of my white, free health care, first world country, privilege when it comes to anything i discuss here.
none of us are strangers to the hundreds, thousands, up to over a billion of the different news and media articles and reports about COVID-19 that have been circling since the beginning of 2020. that being said, currently living in southern ontario in a city just an hour from toronto where there has been dozens of confirmed cases, i would be lying if i said i was personally worried about anything until this week. yeah, i've done some research, washed my hands a bit longer but i don't think i truly gave this situation any of my extra energy until this week.
i have so many thoughts this week. as i'm sure all of you do (any one who needs someone to chat with or vent to, i'm here!) some selfish, angry, scared ones. yesterday i cried. i was so frustrated with so many things. i have put in my notice for one job and am planning on moving provinces for the purpose of doing another job. i had to pay a decent amount of money to get back into the film union for said new job, which, given everything going on and non-essential travel out or into canada makes it really super hard to know if i'm going to have job. i felt so overwhelmed. like i up-routed my life for something that may not even be happening now. i decided to do this job for purely financial gain. to pay off some debt, to leave my field i love, but need a break from at the same time. i was feeling sorry for myself. which, granted, i truly believe everyone is allowed to do, but make sure it doesn't last too long. there's just so many unknowns! one of my best friends works in the touring industry, another at a hotel, another for a nonprofit who travels internationally, another who was suppose to travel to the states to audit a company. one of my roommates university classes are cancelled the other is a nurse in the hospital where the first confirmed case in hamilton was. it is effecting all of my loved ones in different ways. two of my grandparents in nova scotia have recently had pneumonia. my dad just came back from a work trip in texas and has to be monitoring himself incase he gets symptoms for 14 days, my mom can't go to work because of dad's trip and the person she works with has an compromised immune system.
i don't know if i'm going to have a job in three weeks or not. i had so many plans. i wanted to get a one bedroom, cozy apartment in downtown halifax and decorate it and make it my own. right now, it looks like i may be going back to my parents for a little bit. i facetimed my parents this morning and my mom said, you know, having to come stay here for a bit isn't the worst thing. she's right. i had been feeling sorry for myself and the planner and dreamer in me is feeling crushed as things are so up in the air. but having to stay in the country, with my parents, dogs, infinite supply of farm fresh eggs and the lake a five minute walk away, doesn't sound like the worst idea.
i have probably been reading too many news articles. which makes me a hypocrite as i keep telling people it's okay to have boundaries and the importance of self care and love in this time of corona. i work as a case manager at a homeless shelter right now, where we have always been diligent about sanitizing and washing our hands, so work surprisingly isn't more stressful than normal. i am constantly thinking about all of the homeless people in my city who don't have access to a shelter, or running water and soap. how on earth would they be able to self isolate when they're sleeping on the street and accessing day drop in programs with dozens of other people? it's frustrating being part of an essential service and feeling like there may not be the best precautions in place for staff and clients if something bad happens.
i keep going through the emotions of feeling bad for myself and my situation, to worrying about my grandparents, to the clients i serve, to people who have lost loved ones to the virus. i feel selfish and guilty and worried all at once. i keep thinking oh i'm fine, i'd be fine if i got it. but i have had asthma my entire life, so it's impossible to predict how i could handle it.
it's a scary time for everyone, regardless of which country, city, continent. it's times like this that we have to remember to not let our anxious thoughts get to us too much, and that this is just one period of time and hopefully, things get under wraps sooner than later. so many things are up in the air for so many people in so many aspects. i encourage you all, and myself to be doing those little things in the run of a day that make you feel good and remind you that we are lucky to be where we're at. i am using the time to stay home when i can and to tackle all of my belongings that need to be sold or donated before i move. i have a calming essential oil in my diffuser, coffee by my side, music playing, the dryer going in the background and remembering that even if things are out of my control, remaining calm, staying educated but not over reading, remembering the positives of the online world and how we can remain connected while keeping to ourselves, that everyone is suffering from this in their own way, and that we have to simply be here for each other, be supportive, not over react or feel panicked, and just wash your damn hands.
love you all, stay healthy!! xoxo, these are my thoughts from the sea this week.
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| "meet me in the woods" a place that keeps me calm. |
secondly, i want to make sure that it is known that i am brutally aware of my white, free health care, first world country, privilege when it comes to anything i discuss here.
none of us are strangers to the hundreds, thousands, up to over a billion of the different news and media articles and reports about COVID-19 that have been circling since the beginning of 2020. that being said, currently living in southern ontario in a city just an hour from toronto where there has been dozens of confirmed cases, i would be lying if i said i was personally worried about anything until this week. yeah, i've done some research, washed my hands a bit longer but i don't think i truly gave this situation any of my extra energy until this week.
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| i can't not smile when i look at this picture |
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| this one always knows what to say to make me feel better. |
i have probably been reading too many news articles. which makes me a hypocrite as i keep telling people it's okay to have boundaries and the importance of self care and love in this time of corona. i work as a case manager at a homeless shelter right now, where we have always been diligent about sanitizing and washing our hands, so work surprisingly isn't more stressful than normal. i am constantly thinking about all of the homeless people in my city who don't have access to a shelter, or running water and soap. how on earth would they be able to self isolate when they're sleeping on the street and accessing day drop in programs with dozens of other people? it's frustrating being part of an essential service and feeling like there may not be the best precautions in place for staff and clients if something bad happens.
i keep going through the emotions of feeling bad for myself and my situation, to worrying about my grandparents, to the clients i serve, to people who have lost loved ones to the virus. i feel selfish and guilty and worried all at once. i keep thinking oh i'm fine, i'd be fine if i got it. but i have had asthma my entire life, so it's impossible to predict how i could handle it.
it's a scary time for everyone, regardless of which country, city, continent. it's times like this that we have to remember to not let our anxious thoughts get to us too much, and that this is just one period of time and hopefully, things get under wraps sooner than later. so many things are up in the air for so many people in so many aspects. i encourage you all, and myself to be doing those little things in the run of a day that make you feel good and remind you that we are lucky to be where we're at. i am using the time to stay home when i can and to tackle all of my belongings that need to be sold or donated before i move. i have a calming essential oil in my diffuser, coffee by my side, music playing, the dryer going in the background and remembering that even if things are out of my control, remaining calm, staying educated but not over reading, remembering the positives of the online world and how we can remain connected while keeping to ourselves, that everyone is suffering from this in their own way, and that we have to simply be here for each other, be supportive, not over react or feel panicked, and just wash your damn hands.
love you all, stay healthy!! xoxo, these are my thoughts from the sea this week.
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